Nope, this isn't one of those "I'm brining Xanga back!1 lulz" kind of posts. Nothing against Facebook here, but blogging preserves the "personal" aspect of keeping in touch.

  So, I should blog here more.

Not that it does much good when I only post every five months. I had to put my art/writing archive under f-lock at LiveJournal for legal reasons (the main reason why I have returned), so I might actually write something here occasionally.

    I guess a lot has happened since I last wrote. I've been terrible about journaling lately, which is really sad when I think about it since there really isn't anything that's been preventing me from doing so. I am also supposed to explain why certain projects, blogs and sites of mine have been on hiatus for the past six months. (For the record, Kat, there are no words to describe your level of FAIL.)

    I'm pretty tired, so I'll just give you the fast and messy version of what's been going on in general, and if there's anything you want me to elaborate on, just ask.

    Marketing still sucks, I'm still sleeping about 16 hours a day, and despite nearly overwhelming circumstances, I'm still living in my parents' house. I'm still unemployed, but I'm not poor yet, and as expected....still single. I got a haircut, began reading classic British literature and started doing art again. Unfortunately, I'm definitely not getting into Chicago, I've decided to go into tax law and, much to my dismay, people still make me want to slam my head into a brick wall.

    I'm still in Wichita, but I'm itching to get out and see something new. I'm going to Italy and France, but I'm afraid I still might be stuck at WSU. I found out that I'm not eligible for scholarships because I'm not poor, stupid, or Mexican. I want to transfer after two years. I got a 4 on the AP US History exam and hardly cracked the book all year. I gave up making fireworks for money; I don't think I need any more ugly burn scars. I still want to minor in math or physics. I've given up on either as a career, and it was one of the toughest descisions I ever made.
   
    I'm still tired of school. I want to get my senior year over with as fast as I possibly can. I'm really looking forward to college, regardless of where I go, because I get to move out. I'm not going to be getting a car. I got into a wreck and hurt my arm and back fairly bad, but I didn't really tell anyone at first except one or two people. Everyone I know left or moved out of town. I'm terrified of going back to a school where I'm not friendly with anyone. I've spent most of my summer reading or asleep. I have nostalgia often. I'm still going to debate for at least one more year. I quit the tennis team. I still go out and jog everyday. I picked up cooking and make meals as a hobby. I cook for my family every night.

     I finished remodeling my bedroom, bought a new matress and redecorated. I'm moving to the basement in a few weeks in hopes that it will improve my father's mood. I put all of my things in plastic bins so I can move out if I have to. I miss Japan a lot, and I'm trying to come up with a way to go back next summer. I've been working hard on self-discipline and reasoning. I've been trying to learn to stop basing my descisions on things in the past. I've moved on from the past, but also began to realize how many opportunities I've missed out on because of my dwelling. And--because if you can't tell yet, all of this has really been giving me a headache--I'm going to California for two weeks to visit my family on vacation. My family doesn't want me to go. I'm going anyway.

    The end.

    I hope you all are doing well, and I promise a real entry eventually,

               Kat

    The work load has, of course, been tremendous lately. *sigh* Ugh.... I'm really not sure how I'm keeping myself sane at this point.  This week, cummulatively, has been pretty bad, but it's getting a little bit better.  I have hours and hours of homework to do every night, and really nothing to do after I'm finished. I've been kind of sick recently, but I decided to try to jog every day again. It really does make me feel a bit better, and if nothing else, it's excellent stress relief.

    Friday was probably the low point of the week. It was an emotionally trying day and very unenjoyable. Youji came to school for the last time and said goodbye to me. It was very strange. I felt completely normal. I didn't even miss him, really. It was very surreal, and I feel guilty somehow for not showing him more gratitude for all he taught me about debate, politics and life. However, my life feels as though it is back to normal (somewhat).  Later in the afternoon, stupid mop-haired leet.com admin made a comment to me and I ran out of the room and cried; this week was abhorrent, and it definitely was not the time to be making fun of me. It does sound a bit weak, I admit, but the last thing I expected was for others to chime in. That was awful, but I'm nearly over it.

    On the bright side of things, I got my first paycheck from the new job. I'm planning on reinvesting 80% of it and saving the other 20% for the tour to Japan I'm taking in June. I'm thinking about putting some money into Wells Fargo and a few other indexes, so I should be able to make a bit by simply adjusting the percentages. I suppose I could make money some other way, but seeing as Sirius hasn't totally crashed yet, I kind of like the idea of making money by just sitting here and watching market prices fluctuate. It's a wonderful world.

    Oh, and it snowed today. Yeah! It hasn't snowed in awhile, but the roads are getting awful. It took me 50 minutes just to drive home from work today, and I saw three accidents on the way home (one of which was on the freeway--some lady slid her truck sideways into a pole, and then she yelled at this guy who got out of his truck to help her. ). I'm a little bit sick, but I might actually go outside tomorrow if I'm feeling better. Jogging in the snow would be interesting.... hmm.

    And before I forget, I keep telling random people that I'll post my critique ("kritik" if you're hardcore) of Letters From Iwo Jima. I wasn't going to, but for some reason it's still bothering me, so if anyone is interested, you can see it at Security Device:

    http://securitydevice.blogspot.com/2007/01/letters-from-iwo-jima.html
           
    I think that's all I have for today.  I hope you all are well!

 I was planning on starting this entry with the word "AHHHHHHHH!", but pained screaming just doesn't seem to cut it. *heh*

 Because of time restraints, I haven't been able to update every day like I would like to, so unfortunately I have a very limited memory of what has happened since I last posted.

 At some point last week, I called and negotiated with the nice server people at Sharemation. And by negotiate, I mean scream and cry and make a scene because I'm paying a really ridiculous amount of money for the storage space I have and nothing was working.

At one point the guy asked me if I had tried resetting it, which is when I put down the phone and started slamming my head into the table.
 
 So to make a long story short, after a series of threats and screaming fits, all is well and I have my storage space! *heh*

 I don't remember much from Monday except for the Chem II MAC. It was evil! EVIL! *pulls out hair* Satan himself wrote that test. There is no other explanation. About halfway through the test, there was this really stupid question about how much enthalpy there would be from burning the test answer key or something like that. I was going to raise my hand and ask if we would get to experiment just to make sure, but I just wrote "I NEED SCISSORS. 61." on the line and moved on. Meh....

 I brought my computer to school on Tuesday and Wednesday, and whenever I wasn't studying or taking a test, I was busy watching Nobuta wo. PRODUCE. I can't emphasize enough how awesome the series/movie is. What it actually is, is a comedic/dramatic Japanese epic split up into about nine different pieces for television release.

 I edited out most of the commercials, because some of them were in very awkward places in between scenes. It offers an interesting insight into the Japanese youth mentality, and brings up some interesting questions about Japanese social politics. My favorite so far has to be Akira, even though I recognize small pieces of both Kotani and Shyuuji to be like me as well.

Who am I kidding? I am Akira. It's creepy! We both have strange, creepy rich families who want us to go into business, we both run away from home and stay with strange people at random times, and nothing either of us says makes any sense. I am Akira! Muahahahahaha!

 *runs into wall*

 Oh, I also find it amusing how the vice principal sounds like a cackling raven, and does sommersaults over the school roof to get in the door. It's also amusing how the teachers really don't seem to care all that much when the class gets really out of control; most of them will just stand in silence until the class settles down.

The series really brings out the passive-aggressive nature of high school administration in Japan, which I found interesting simply for the fact that in a lot of other movies, schools in Japan are portrayed as very strict and confined. This is not the case at all. The school system operates in much the same manner as an American school would; it is in the normative social standards that things tend to differ.

 Speaking of tangents, I talked my trig class into watching numb3rs instead of reviewing for finals. Yay for productivity! I finished my eraser tower during the episodes I already watched, and fixed some of the posters in the back of the room. At one point, I ran off for about ten minutes to go try and track down Youji during lunch (unsuccessful), and when I came back everyone was playing poker. *shrug*

 Wednesday started terribly. I woke up an hour and fifteen minutes late, threw on some random clothes and ran out the door without my bag and my textbooks. I got pulled over on the way to school because my tail light was out, and almost got a ticket. It was a good thing I didn't, because I'm not even supposed to be driving! Ahg! I was late for first period and started freaking out because I got a horrible grade on the MACS.

I talked to my partner and I decided that no one probably got a very good score and I shouldn't worry about it, but I was still panicking about the DBQ second period. AGH! *slams head into desk* I'd rather swan dive into a wood chipper than write another DBQ, and I didn't know the topic as well as I would have liked, so that made it even worse. I was tired, stressed, and about ready to curl into a ball and die.

 I went into the debate room for homeroom so I could take a nap on the couch, but a bunch of people were there and it was really loud. I drifted off for a few minutes, and when I regained consciousness, Youji was there begging someone to give him a ride to this city about thirty minutes away for a friend's graduation. I talked to him for awhile, and thought about giving him a ride.

Giving him a ride probably would have been preferable to spending and hour and thirty minutes in APUSH, but I remembered I had a DBQ to do and almost died. AGH!  Die, DBQs, DIE!

 So, I didn't get out of class after all. So much for my excuse! Oh well. My tail light was out anyway, and it would have been an amusing situation to be pulled over again. Think about that for a moment. Then think harder. *heh* I resigned myself to taking the DBQ and tried to catch up on some reading very quickly beforehand, but I wasn't getting anywhere and spent the rest of the hour nodding off and then waking up after I heard a loud noise.

I ended up stumbling into second period. My teacher probably thought I was crazy and/or drunk because I was so tired and stressed, but I had such an adrenaline high from panicking that I blew through the entire DBQ in less than 30 minutes! Everything I read, I actually remembered and thought I did a really thorough job on the entire thing! Yeah!

 Oh, and I mentioned things out of order. Math class actually happened after this, but not much was making sense at this point, so sorry for the blurriness!

 The next day, I checked my messages when I got up and found six from Shiny and one from Kaze. Well, I deleted the six and called Kaze, and we hung out. I don't really remember the specifics of what we did, but I remember that it involved a trip to Borders, a movie, and at some point we ended up in her basement watching stuff on YouTube.

 That same night, Kaze came over to my house and helped me sort this giant jar of coins. We estimated about $33, and then took it to Dillon's to cash it in. Just because I can, I went to WalMart and bought World of Warcraft with the $33 in coins. Somehow I can tell that I'll eventually regret this.

But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

 Kaze also bought me a curved strobe light as an early Christmas present. We took it home, I plugged it in, and we had a miniature rave in my house. I turned on some Basshunter and Victor Dinaire, and I'm pretty sure I gave at least two of the neighbors seizures. *heh* Yay  for epilepsy!

  After giving everyone on my street epilepsy, Kaze went home and I played WoW. In case anyone wants to come play with me, I'm currently a level 7 Undead Warrior on Aggramar. Feel free to join!

 The next day, I hung out with Kaze again. We went to the mall and ended up buying a bunch of stuff, and I finished all of my holiday shopping. At last, at last! I got my dad a new hand drill, some ties, and a cool hat. My mom is getting a new robe, some perfume, and a vacation. I also bought Kaze her present (she picked it out--it was a shirt with some Japanese stuff on it) and bothered the weird guy in that one store some more. Ahahah! I can't help it. He's so much fun to annoy.

  Which brings me to today! I don't really remember what I did for the remainder of yesterday, or the majority of today, except going through some old books, homework, and then napping. I'm still really hyper from Wednesday, but I promised myself that I was going to try to contact Dr. D over break and get some information from KU for this summer, so we'll see if I manage to get that done. *heh*

  Wow, long update... hopefully I'll be able to write soon, but if not, this should tie you over for awhile. Peace out.

I might as well dive right off the bridge from the get go.

I should have written this two weeks ago. That would've solved me so many problems. I'm such an idiot.

I can't sleep anymore. Well, it's not like I slept much anyway, but recently, it's been horrible. If I close my eyes for a few minutes, I suddenly feel haunted and I'm wide awake.

It's stress. I haven't vented in a month. A month filled with not only exams, but lots of evil stressful things.

That is bad. Very bad. So bad, in fact, that it kept me awake for days on end. I feel like I'm living off adrenaline. It's making me uneasy. I don't like it.

I'm hoping that I'll get some of it out of my system by the time I finish this entry. Right now, it's Friday night. I have no idea when this will be posted, but you do. If you're seeing this, I'm probably feeling much better.

So tired.

Can't formulate proper sentences.

Need sleep.

*looks at mail*

*stress level rises*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm stressed. Very very very very very very very stressed.

I'm going to rant now. *twitch twitch*


[begin Chemistry rant]

I hate chemistry. I thought I hated Biology, but that was at least passable. Chemistry is not. I did nothing but study all week and I'm still getting a bad mark.

We had a quiz first period today. We were allowed to make and use study sheets, so I worked like mad to fit as much as I could onto the sheet. Even when I spend like five hours on a single sheet of paper, on top of my normal studying, it still turns out bad. And how did the quiz go? Well, let's just say our teacher took pity on us and gave us some clues on at least half, because it made absolutely no sense. I can now guarantee that I got four marks out of like forty. To give you some clue about how well I did, my last answer consisted of the words "I HAVE NO IDEA! 46! SAVE ME!" in large letters across the page.

Oi. *sighs* This course wasn't suppose to be like this. No one told me I needed advanced Chemistry, Biology, physics and Organic chem for High School chemistry. For the record, it's not "Chemistry" -- It's a college-level Chem II course! It's evil! EVIL!

I guess I just have trouble understanding my Chemistry teacher (who I affectionately curse at when she's not around).

It's one thing to not study and complain that you failed. It's another thing to study every night, take all the notes in class, make study sheets, study as much as you possibly can and still fail. I'm doing everything bloody possible to pass, and it's still not enough. I don't get it. I'm so confused. *slams head on desk*

Too bad no one has any idea about what's going on. It doesn't change the fact that I can't fail. If I fail, I'm out of the running for several scholarships and will probably be in school for an extra year. Ugh. I need help. I need a tutor or something.

The quiz was horrible though. I didn't know any of it even with the studying. You'd think we'd study at least some of it in class, but of course we didn't. Gah! *pulls out hair* Why does she keep having to testing us on stuff we never learned? WHY!?

After blatantly failing that chemistry quiz this morning, I decided that the rest of the day was going to be a waste and just went home. I didn't even bother to bring home my textbook. I don't how or what to study anymore. I'm going to leave it alone this weekend and confront the teacher on Monday. There's no way I'm going to continue to get bad marks in her class. I've gotta do something.

But I have learned one thing: Don't take college-level advanced chemistry courses, errr... "Chem II". You'll find that you have a strange craving to run into a wall headfirst.

[end Chemistry rant]

Shiny noticed my earring and asked about it. I explained how I re-pierced one of my ears in the morning and confused him greatly.

Yes, I pierced the top of my ear (for real) for no real reason in front of a mirror just because I felt like it. Yes, I only pierced one. Yes, people at school were confused. Yes, they kept asking my why I only had one earring. What? I'm too lazy to pierce the other one. I'm planning to do it during a History test just to annoy my teacher. Maybe I'll just do it in class Monday. Did I tell you how I cut my split-ends off in class because I was bored? Err...

I've been carrying the Weiss armband since Kira gave it to me in debate. People are rather confused, and when anyone asks, I take Kira's advice and answer with, "Nothing says 'Peace' like a crack team of assassins that work in a flower shop". Kira made it out of a peace band she got in Monterrey. My English teacher thought it was Japanese. Interesting....

Hmm... this week has been fairly "normal". Well, I did fall asleep on the floor in my math class earlier in the week. We were watching a movie, I was tired, and, errr, I don't really remember how I ended up on the floor. I shouldn't have slept though. I have a feeling I'm going to be tested on the movie content and well, I didn't watch the movie, did I?

Oh, and Kira and I watched the Gluhen Seiyuu Special (episode 00 in the fandom). It was weird. Koyasu looked like Koyasu, Seki's eyes were off, Miki looked like a drunken train conductor, and Yuuki Hiro aged. It never occurred to me that the Weiss seiyuu could age. They're not allowed to age!

Oh well. Yuuki shouldn't wear turtlenecks. And has anyone else noticed the change in Seki's eyes over the past year or so? They've gotten larger. I was watching the clips at the end of the Weiss Kreuz tapes with Kira, and then we watched the Seiyuu Special. There was something really different about Seki's eyes. It looks like he's getting younger or something. Weird...

Also, Koyasu likes to break copyright laws. Lots and lots of copyright laws. You have to be a Weiss fan to get the humor in that. *waves at Kira* He does! In the Gluhen Seiyuu Special, there are Beatles songs in the background. I wouldn't have known, but Kira got it right away! Gotta love Koyasu....

Actually, it's rather scary. The more I know about Koyasu, the more I realize I'm just like him. Well, not just like him. I'm thankfully not even close to Zazel. What I mean is that I think the way he does. I've known it for awhile, but now I just feel like it's truer than it was before. I understand the things Koyasu does--from creating Weiss, to breaking copyright laws, and even the whole "Zazel" thing --I understand it all. I can't really explain it either. I just understand how he thinks and why he does the things he does. In some ways, I feel like some of our goals in life are the same. I'd explain, but I don't think it would make much sense to you.

Anyway, I'm going to get all new classes soon. I actually am taking AP English, which is surprising considering what happened last year with Mrs. Andsoforth. Our teacher is a cool guy with red hair. I wish I could say the same about physics, but it's the class I'm nervous about the most! Luckily, Pillsburry, Kerrick, Shiny and Matej are in that class. It'll be a decent class. Too bad I always lose interest in after the first thirty-five minutes.

Fourth period is chaos as usual, but, well.... let me give you an example:

me: I smell burning. I think someone is smoking something....
Debate coach: Smell brains?
me: Burning. You know, like fire. Burning!
Debate coach: Brains?

*slams head into desk and cries*

Friday nights are weird. I want to go out, but I'm usually too tired. Meh. I might as well put off homework until tomorrow, but...

You know, I really shouldn't be writing an entry right now. I really should study. If I don't study for Chemistry, I'm doomed, and I don't mean doom in a good way. I mean doom in an "Ah! We're all going to die!", the sky is falling, my head is going to explode kind of way. But I haven't done anything today. Maybe it's because I just woke up from my afterno--err, evening nap, or because I worked so hard this week that I need a break. Either way, I'm in a lot of trouble.

And yes, I do have exams coming up. I'm worried, because of all the work I have to do. I not only have to study until I lose feeling in my brain, but I have to write at least six essays for history/applications/things that make Kat cry. I haven't started any of it. That's very very very bad.

*slams head into desk*

I've slammed my head into this desk so many times that I'm starting to make a giant dent. Yay, me!

In related news, Freakazoid likes me. OK, I really have to come up with a better code name for him. He's even passed me notes in class. I see him in third period every day, and sometimes after school. Anyway, Freakazoid passed me this note saying "You Look Sexy", and I was tempted to pass it to Matt to make it look like Shiny was passing it to him, but I didn't. I've done this before and it worked wonders. Darn. Next time.

I know Freakazoid, like most boys, doesn't really like me. He likes me because he's a teenage boy. But I guess that's OK since the only person I really want to have a "romantic" relationship with right now is Tom M. Riddle, and is, unfortunately, a fictional character. And then there's Akira, but I AM Akira, and then it gets really weird and complicated. Errr...

Speaking of my friends acting like crazy people, Matej was being a jerk earlier in the week. The teacher took me aside and told me not to beat him up, after he realized that I was about to pound his face into the ground. I'm currently disappointed in him, although when I saw him earlier, it went fairly well. He is learning. Slowly. Very very very very slowly, but he is.

Also, I think my doctor is a moron.

Doctor: There's nothing wrong with you. You're free to go.
Kat: K. Thanks. *gets her stuff and gets ready to go*
Doctor: One more thing: You have a cancerous sore on your head.
Kat: I thought you said I was fine.
Doctor: *shrugs* I lied.
Kat: ...

*hits head on desk*

OK, so that happened two months ago. Let's just say my habit of avoiding doctors is making everything worse. I'm screwed. Meh.

*gets hungry, goes to the mall for two hours, eats at food court and buys holiday gifts/junk, then comes back*

*yawns*

People look at you strangely when you ask them where you can buy handcuffs. What? They do.

I want to get Kira half a handcuff for Christmas. Yes, it's from Poison.

I asked the lady at a kiosk if she'd engrave a handcuff, and she looked at me like I was insane. No surprise there. Oh well. I think I can find a handcuff at Walmart. I'll check their website later.

Anyway, as I was saying (was I?), everyone seems to be depressed. It's really weird. Remind me to do something about it. It feels like something was thrown out of whack. I should see if I can put it back into place.

And Kat still has to apply to Perspective. She's doomed!

DOOMED!

*screams and runs around in circles*

*crashes into tree*

Well, I've reached my time limit. Only two hours for this entry. I better run... later!